Being a Shapeshifter

I could spend all day lost in the recesses of my mind. Thinking 🤔. Working things out, or trying too. Falling asleep, eating, reading, listening to beautiful music, creating my kind of Art, thinking 🤔, working things out, or just spend a day alone thinking, thinking, thinking…. Endless cycles of nothingness.

Friends ask, “what do you do all day?”

I can’t explain what it’s like to be me and be Autistic. I can spend time easily by myself. When I am alone and the room may seem very quiet to you, it is very loud to me. The colours of the walls and the smells and lights create a huge explosion in my head until I want to scream! Sensory overload.

The only peace is in the home space I have created for myself, with lots of wood and stones and plants. Or to be outside with the great Mother. Because Nature is my safe place, my retreat. There are no boundaries between my own aura and that of other life forms such as animals, water, trees and stones. Our colours intertwine and mingle to create rainbows.

Synergies, we are one.

Whole again.

Music begins to sound in my mind.


Being with people, socialising with friends, pulls me out of the that dream.

But hey, I need my people, my Tribe. Don’t leave me.

Being Autistic is exhausting. In actual fact, I am a dragon, wolf, snake, horse, crow, bear, child, witch, seductress, murderer. I am a Shapeshifting woman. Here’s something I wrote a little while ago:

(Unknown artist credit)

The Journey Woman

Shapes change and flow
One into the other
All of the heart
And all of the Soul.
Spirit arising
Let the story unfold to reveal secrets held deep within.
Shape shifting woman
I am A Moving flowing form.

I place one huge white paw in front of the other.
Stepping out my eyes seeing only in shadows and light.
I lift my head to the night sky and the white full moon and howl lonely from deep within my Soul calling to find my pack.

Shifting again …
My hooves thunder across the plains sending dust and earth hurtling behind me.
I turn my long beautiful head sending white mane flowing
Seeking my love.

Shifting again …
I fly high above the trees black wings making distance short
and I caw to others flying with me. Crying murder together.
For I have messages to deliver from the beyond,
to those open to hear me.

Shifting again …
Fire, Fire, Fire and hot flames for eyes.
My scales are red and green.
I soar not fly and if you hear me roar you’d better watch out!
Because I will either carry you or burn you!

Shifting forever shifting ..
I stand tall, proud and grey.
My wise brown eyes make my dogness doubtful.
When I stand on my hind legs I will dance with you.
I am faithful and loyal
Long ago I stood up against wolves.
Now I serve my Master with my huge heart full of love.

Once more shifting …
My belly always on the ground
I slither here and there.
I can rise to strike, rise to dance, rise to heal.
My energy is raw and hot and full of passion.
My tongue holds a poison of health healing balm.
I am warm to touch and soft to hold.
Do not fear me.

Shapes change and flow
One into the other.
All of the heart
And all of the Soul
Spirit arising.
Let the story unfold to reveal secrets held deep within.
Shape shifting woman
Moving form for deep, deep journeys untold.

In dreams I fly
High above roof tops
Through sparkling waterfalls
No fire can burn me
I am fire
This non-ordinary reality
Welcomes me home to myself.

~ Kathy Barenskie

#shapeshifter #nature #prose #poem #autism #autistic #sensory overload #dream

Published by myinbetweenworld

“Mellow and flowing, a river gently meandering through a fresh green leafy glade. Touching into spirit and knowing. I’m going into Heart and accepting the shadow”. © Kathy Barenskie 2019

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