A Ghostly Intuition

What is it like to have to be highly intuitive? Ooohhhh on so many levels it’s difficult. It changes on a daily basis. Some days better than others. Colours can have sounds and become textured. Other days the same colours remain flat. Sounds are also weird. One day I was out walking my dog and heard a cow mooing. On that day It sounded like a dragon to me, I nearly wet myself! Sometimes I struggle to hear, other times noises are overwhelming. People who keep talking have words streaming out of their mouths and I see their energies draining like a battery going down. That drains me at the same time so I have to leave quickly. Sometimes a person is ‘too much’ for me. And maybe not even in a ‘bad’ way, even too much life force in them for me to handle at once, too much colours streaming out, so I just can’t be around that person for long periods of time. So it’s not about that person at all, it’s about me.
Sometimes it IS about the person, a really negative, draining person.

I’ve had to have tumours cut out of my body (caused by my abusive childhood also the subsequent abusive relationships I’ve chosen), in order to fully heal. You see I needed to remove the blocks.

I process every stimuli through my body instantly. it takes a while before my mind catches up with what is going on. So I have learned to go with that initial, intuitive reaction to any situation or person over reason or thought. Also I treat people how they treat me. That is a learned thing. So if someone lets me down in a way that affects me profoundly, then more than likely I will no longer be available for that person. Sounds cold? Yes, however, it’s the boundary I have learned to build for myself to survive in this otherwise confusing game that you consider ‘socialising’.

On a recent group event, when I picked where to pitch my tent I didn’t pick where I usually love to camp, by the woods, I pitched in the hedge! As far off the land as I could get. There was no deep feelings with this choice, my body led me. When I looked into the woods later, I saw an Elemental, all dark and frozen, stuck to the side of a tree. I thought to myself. Oh you poor Wild, God. Something bad has happened here on this land. But something bad has happened on all land. Wars, battles, etc … All land is good and does not need healed. It’s the humans who needs healed so I made him a little offering of stones, branches and wild flowers, and prayed for him. All I could do.

I’m writing this as part of a process as I have no other outlet. I have tried talking, but the facilitator wasn’t up for it citing, “one must stay in ones own process lest shadow gets in?” I don’t know what that means? Surely shadow is integral as part of discovery? Anyhow, I’m digressing.
I attended a group ceremony on someone’s land. No need to go into detail, other than to say it was intense. Everyone of us had an outcome which was extreme. Whatever happened, it’s the people attached to the area surrounding the land holding the event like a ‘curse’. I passed out during the event for a matter of minutes I think and I had wet myself a little and I was so embarrassed. I looked at others in the darkness. No one noticed, everyone engrossed in their own stuff. And then at the lake, after the stones rose to meet me. So scared I thought I was seeing things. Lucky for me a friend was there to help me out. I sat trembling for 20 minutes recovering, not knowing what was going on.

Later, my friend and I at the lake offered flowers to the Lady of the Lake. She said, “come visit us if you like.”
I gasped inwardly in horror. Errr no I held up my 🤚🏻 please not me. And only her if you have good intentions.
At night camping, I never slept, some big energy came tumbling down the hill rushed past our tents. I wished it love. Apparently it hit her on the head!

The next day when I went to move my car to let someone out, my body took over and I just kept driving instead, until I reached home. I received a message from another of the participants. She told me a girl had been raped and murdered on the lane to the land and that’s what we were all picking up, well maybe I thought.
Because if that land is cursed, it’s the people who is cursing it. Not the poor girl. ❤️
She is only capable of love 💕

That night somatic marks appeared on my body. My wrists red raw and burning, my inside thighs red raw and burning. My mind in turmoil. She came to me then in dreams and her words were clear “ I only go where I’m loved.”

I woke up. So beautiful. I thought, such a beautiful lesson. Such a beautiful lesson for me to go forward with.
My new mantra:
I only go where I’m loved. ❤️

“Morning Walks

Braving barefoot walks.
Beauty everywhere.
Dewy mist rises from the ground.
Grass mingling with all colours of green.
Earth smells musky damp and dark.
She lays her body down.
Soothing coldness surrounds her.
Cooling hot emotions.
Fingers sinking,
Toes digging in,
Back flat.
Hair ruined.
Happy to die there for a while.

Eyes closed and allowing mind to stop into stillness.
Breath slows.
Lying engulfed in Mothers arms.
Wildness is sparked somewhere deep within.
A sound begins to emerge from trembling lips.
A sound birthed deep from within womb and hips.

A growl
A howl
A cry
A sigh.

Released into Mother.
Earth synergises,
Energises.
Feeling renewed,
She’s ready to return.
For another little while,
the walk is over.

~ Kathy Barenskie”

#poem #prose #intuition #haunted #ghosts #curse #love #freedom